Semi-hostile interview with Keith Cooper in two parts:

PART 1

So, Keith, what’s the deal?Where’ve you been?No blog entries in over a month.

Sorry.I really don’t know how bloggers do it—the constant output.I’m just not up to it.I get tired. I get distracted.Plus I’ve been very busy, you know, innovating and stuff.

Well, how are you doing it now?

The way we do everything, a novel approach.This time I’m trying an interview by a semi-hostile interviewer who can get right in my face and force the crucial information out of me, plus even a request for help—without needing to worry about basic niceties like grammatical sentences.What’s said is said.Once it’s out of my mouth, there’s no taking it back.It’s a bit ruthless, I suppose, but hopefully it will get the job done.And the real stroke of genius is being my own semi-hostile interviewer—I can do the whole thing right here in my own home on a Saturday morning without so much as a shower or brushing my teeth.

Did you even make granola in September?

Of course.September’s flavor was Salted Mango. We used unsulfured dried mango, macadamia nuts, pumpkin seeds, along with virgin olive oil which made it extra healthy and gave it an earthy flavor. I’ll put the ingredients at the end.

Salt?Healthy?

Actually we didn’t use any extra salt—just courser salt.Since the crystals don’t completely dissolve you occasionally get a miniature burst of flavor. All the month club members got a bag.

Is there any left?

Just 5 bags.If you order today you could probably get one.

And what’s up for October?

What? It’s October already? [Expletive deleted] How did that happen.

Well, as the ancient, now-dead, Romans used to say, “Tempus fugit.”You also had a birthday, which means your life is probably about…

Cool it.We agreed semi-hostile, not malicious.And yes, October’s recipe will be out next week.Despite all the unsolicited really helpful suggestions that came in from our fan-club for an appropriately frightening name, we decided to go with…

Wait.I want to hear these.

No you don’t.

What makes you think that you know what I do or don’t want to hear?

Okay, then. “Bloody Bandaid [Sic] Raisin,” “Chocolate Cat Hair Crunch,” “Cranberry Swamp Ass Surprise,”“Anthrax Apple”…

Hmm…

And those are just the nice ones.

You know that using "sic" is rude and elitist.

No it's sick. Get it?

(Moment of awkward silence.)Where were we?

I warned you.Some things just don’t belong on a granola blog. October’s recipe is Maple-Rosemary.The rosemary is subdued—very classy, plus it's home-grown, organic, straight from my community garden plot.It has dates and cranberries.In honor of Halloween, I am even adding some smashed bits of prune, which will provide a slight gross-out quality but in a very tasty way.I’ll put the ingredients in part 2 of this interview.

Yum!Yummy!Wow!

I hate those words.

I know!That’s why I’m using them.

Can we get on with this?I’d like to get a shower before noon.

Now that you mention it. This is a perfect time for a break.

To be continued

Ingredients in Salted Mango: oats (org), barley (org), honey (native RI), raw sugar, extra virgin olive oil, raisins, sesame seeds(org), pepitas, sunflower seeds (org), wheat germ, oat bran (org), walnuts, dried mango (w/sugar, unsulfured), coconut (org), flax seeds (org), millet (org), macadamias, pecan meal, oat fiber, course sea salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, almond extract.